Holy Crap

This will be an odd weekend. Saturday will be a day and night of enjoyment with my wife. Sunday; we'll probably have a nice lunch.

At 3pm Sunday; it'll all be gone. Gone!

I'm having a colonoscopy Monday. In the old days, colonoscopies were done in the doctor's office, with little or any anesthesia. Today, they resemble major surgery. You're sedated, usually with Versed or something similar...and although you're usually able to watch while the G-I doctor probes--you're too knocked out to care.

My pre-op prep instructions resemble a ransom note. Take two Dulcolax at exactly 3pm with an eight ounce glass of water. Mix one 255 gram bottle of Miralax with a 64 oz bottle of Gatorade; your choice of flavor. Drink one 8 oz glass of Gatorade/Miralax once an hour or something like that until bedtime, then take two more Dulcolax, etc. Oh, and by the way--you're allowed clear liquids only from 3pm through 6:30 the next morning. NO nothing after 6:30 am thru the end of the procedure. This is so the gastroenterologist doesn't get a surprise. I'm sure it's happened, too!

By that time, though, considering the heavy artillery going through my system--it won't matter. I will have read a slew of magazines, maybe even brought the laptop in the bathroom for a while. I'll work in the hours before the procedure--so that'll be interesting going without my usual 3-4 large cups of coffee. Maybe we can bring the home studio in the john, too!

But the unpleasantness of the procedure is nothing compared to its benefits...especially if you've lost a friend or loved one to colon cancer. Think Katie Couric's husband, Jay Monahan. More locally; we think about our pal, Walt Starling, who died needlessly in 2005 at 52. The painful irony is Walter had a colonoscopy scheduled for a particular day. The story is Walt got called into work the night before--and, because he was a "per diem" at the time--took it because he needed the money. He cancelled his colonoscopy. Many months later, Walt complained of abdominal pain. A CT scan showed a huge mass in his colon. Further tests showed it had spread to his liver and lungs. Stage four. Surgeons removed the mass, resectioned his colon and eventually sent him home. Walt lasted about ten more months. Had he gone ahead with the procedure when scheduled, there was a good chance doctors could have saved his life.

1,800 people attended Walt's funeral. He had so many friends because he was a great friend to so many. Few people touch others as he did.

In some way or another; we are all statistics. But one column I don't want to be in--is people who left way too soon because they didn't know they had colon cancer.

Besides; I can eat lunch after the procedure...